I'm a little obsessed with EMS... and by a little... I mean A LOT! I love it! I have finally found my niche and it's great!! One night when I was having a hard time sleeping I ended up just messing around on my blog and stalking others... in the process I came across EMS blogs (imagine that!) This post made me laugh! I thought I would share some of the ones that I agreed with.
RULES OF EMS
~You fall, you call, we haul, that’s all.
~There are two kinds of EMS calls: “Oh, crap!” and “Bull crap!”
~Common sense isn’t.
~If you have a ride-along you want to show the real world, nothing will happen that shift.
~You can’t cure stupid.
~Your seriously ill patient will miraculously get better after five minutes in the ER. We call this “fluorescent light therapy.
~Periodically, aliens will abduct your patient and replace him with an exact duplicate with a totally different chief complaint and set of symptoms. This usually happens right after you call report.
~The larger the house, the furthest from a door the patient will be, and the sickest patients are always in the back bedroom.
~The furniture will always be arranged so that a stretcher or stair chair will never fit easily.
~Periodically, aliens will abduct your patient and replace him with an exact duplicate with a totally different chief complaint and set of symptoms. This usually happens right after you call report.
~The larger the house, the furthest from a door the patient will be, and the sickest patients are always in the back bedroom.
~The furniture will always be arranged so that a stretcher or stair chair will never fit easily.
~The problem won’t be that bad until a major disaster strikes: “You’ve had chest pain for three days and you waited until the middle of a blizzard to call?”
~History never repeats itself. This is never more apparent than in the E.D., when the nurse asks the patient the same questions you did five minutes ago.
~Just when you say, “You know, I have never had a hanging….” you will get one.
~The worse your patient’s breath, the more quietly they will talk, forcing you to lean very close to hear them.
~If ever in doubt of which house you were called to, look for the stairs.
~Never start putting your stuff away before you are told to go home, because you have just given yourself another call.
~History never repeats itself. This is never more apparent than in the E.D., when the nurse asks the patient the same questions you did five minutes ago.
~Just when you say, “You know, I have never had a hanging….” you will get one.
~The worse your patient’s breath, the more quietly they will talk, forcing you to lean very close to hear them.
~If ever in doubt of which house you were called to, look for the stairs.
~Never start putting your stuff away before you are told to go home, because you have just given yourself another call.
~If the patient pukes, it is not unprofessional to puke along with them, it is sympathetic puking. You have something in common with your patient and can relate to how they feel. This is why they made the big step well by the side door.
~Upon arrival at a code, check your own pulse first. If it is still there, everything else is easy.
~If you ever go to a call and find the cops laughing on the front lawn…worry!
~If you ever go to a call and find the cops laughing on the front lawn…worry!
~Remember, it’s the patient’s emergency, not yours. Try to keep your pulse rate lower than theirs.
~Sometimes people will die despite our best efforts.
~If EMS workers never eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom, nobody would ever get sick or injured.
~If EMS workers never eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom, nobody would ever get sick or injured.
~The patient’s need of medical attention is inversely proportional to the amount of noise he/she is making.
~All bystanders, and the majority of your patients, have more medical training, experience and knowledge than you. And they’re never shy about offering advice
~Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.
~All bleeding stops… eventually.
~EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.
~There will be problems.
~If the patient looks sick, than the patient is sick.
~It is generally bad to use the words “holy crap” on scene, in reference to the patient’s condition.
~If it’s stupid, but it works… then it ain’t stupid.
~If the patient is going to vomit (especially projectile) be sure to aim towards any bystanders that would NOT clear the scene.
~All bystanders, and the majority of your patients, have more medical training, experience and knowledge than you. And they’re never shy about offering advice
~Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.
~All bleeding stops… eventually.
~EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.
~There will be problems.
~If the patient looks sick, than the patient is sick.
~It is generally bad to use the words “holy crap” on scene, in reference to the patient’s condition.
~If it’s stupid, but it works… then it ain’t stupid.
~If the patient is going to vomit (especially projectile) be sure to aim towards any bystanders that would NOT clear the scene.
~Always answer a newbie’s questions. You once asked them, too.
~A patient’s weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in the building.
~A patient’s weight is directly related to the number of stair flights between him/her and the bus.
~Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.
~Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
~If you don’t have it, don’t give up. Adapt, improvise, overcome. And if that doesn’t work, call for a second unit
~There is no such thing as a “textbook case.” Patients don’t read the textbook.
~There is no such thing as a bad call, only calls that didn’t go the way you planned
~There are very few paramedics with 20 years of experience. There are thousands of paramedics with 1 year of experience, repeated 20 times
~Listening to some EMTs talk on the radio makes you wonder why they don’t become professional auctioneers
~For every 25 calls you run, only 1 will be exciting
~Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases.
~A patient’s weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in the building.
~A patient’s weight is directly related to the number of stair flights between him/her and the bus.
~Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.
~Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
~If you don’t have it, don’t give up. Adapt, improvise, overcome. And if that doesn’t work, call for a second unit
~There is no such thing as a “textbook case.” Patients don’t read the textbook.
~There is no such thing as a bad call, only calls that didn’t go the way you planned
~There are very few paramedics with 20 years of experience. There are thousands of paramedics with 1 year of experience, repeated 20 times
~Listening to some EMTs talk on the radio makes you wonder why they don’t become professional auctioneers
~For every 25 calls you run, only 1 will be exciting
~Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases.
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